I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
