I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
