after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
