You just made me feel so damn special
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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