You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
