My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
