DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
