My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
