Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
