You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
