i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
