I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
