I have demons in me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
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