So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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