how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
