I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Everything about him screamed your future.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
