There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
