If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
