Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Buhtt sex?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
