did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
