We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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