I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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