I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
