this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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