JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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