You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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