Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
