Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
