my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
