When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
