I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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