i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
