he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I AM VODKA MAN
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
