no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
