she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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