what if every blade of grass was a penis?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
