he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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