I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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