I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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