yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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