I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
