i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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