I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
