yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
