We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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