Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
