Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
