she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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