grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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