My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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