How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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