mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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