I hate all girls vehemently.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
