Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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