Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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