is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
