You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
