how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize