do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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