He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
