No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Holy sore nipples Batman
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
