I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
