i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
