I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
