you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We have started to decorate penises.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
