we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
