i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
