no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
